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A couple of months after my divorce, my mom asked me who my automobile insurance company was. I simply took a look at her blankly. I didn't have cars and truck insurance, I hadn't got an MOT on my automobile - I later on realised I didn't have home insurance either. None of it had crossed my mind. I was extremely fortunate absolutely nothing failed.

At the age of 57 I had not paid a household costs or had any manage on my finances given that I had married practically 30 years earlier. Now separated, I didn't have a clue where to begin.

Rob and I wed on my 30th birthday - I wanted to get married before I turned 30. We had 4 children - my stepson and three kids of our own. All of that time, Rob handled our money and I didn't question it.

I simply put my incomes in our shared account which was that.

I kick myself now for being silly and ignorant. But my father had taken care of my mum and Rob took care of me. It seemed like a sort of safety web for me.

I had a full-on job in the travel industry, then establishing a complementary health centre and as a yoga teacher - and to be honest the home financial resources never interested me.

Balancing the books: When Fenella Lindsell was married, household finances never interested her

Occasionally I would ask him: 'How are our financial resources?' however it would typically be late during the night and he 'd reply: 'Why are you speaking about this now?'. I 'd say just due to the fact that I was a bit worried, however then I 'd awaken the next morning and not think of it again.

We never defaulted on payments and weren't having anybody knocking on the door. But he was not constantly entirely trusted - that could be really difficult.

My earliest son absolutely had a little a chequered education because we kept lacking cash and so we needed to move him to other schools. But he's done fine - they're all OK.

Then throughout Covid we remained in lockdowns and couldn't be out and about doing our thing. And if relationships are currently not working as they should, they end up being even more fractious and tough in those conditions. It harmed a lot and right after we separated.

Once our finances were divided I needed to discover to do things for myself. I didn't even know what that meant. I have actually always been useless at maths - when I took a seat to do my maths O-Level, I walked into the test, composed my name at the top of the page, drew a triangle and went out because I didn't understand it or wish to do it.

So I was frightened at the thought of sorting my finances.

Around that time at a yoga retreat in Greece, I was talking to a charming fellow and confided in him that I actually missed my father because he would have known how to help me. And he told me about his financial consultant, Louisa, who was good at describing and talking you through things.

So I developed the courage to see her. And to my surprise I instantly felt safe with her - I could pick up that she knew how to talk with individuals like me who are a bit rudderless and ineffective on finances. Strangely, the thing I was most horrified of was seeming like a fool. It makes you feel so vulnerable.

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HOW THIS IS MONEY CAN HELP

What you need to understand about money weekly: This is Money podcast

She helped me to establish an Isa and described that I must move my allowance of ₤ 20,000 from my savings into my Isa every year to protect it from tax.

Louisa likewise helped me locate a pension that was started for me when I was working for a hotel group at age 27. You don't believe about them at the time, however even small sums can be worth something significant years later if they've been invested.

She talked me through how risk works and worked out how to invest my pension in a manner that indicates it is growing but does not keep me up in the evening stressing about it.

My self-confidence has grown and I understand how to check out the regular declarations I'm sent out about my pension. I try to find the balance and just how much it has grown - by 14 percent in 2015 - but I likewise know that in some cases it can fall and not to worry about it.

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I likewise know how to get help when I need it - I 'd rather stab myself than do my tax return, however although my accountant does it I understand how to check my my incomings and outgoings.

Now that I've got my ducks in a row - I know who my insurance is with, where my mortgage is for my home in south London, how my pension is growing - I feel a lot lighter. I still would rather play tennis than take a look at spreadsheets, but I now understand how to do it.

I 'd advise anyone who leaves the financial resources to their spouse to share the responsibility - I want I had. You never understand what is around the corner - divorce or even worse.

My mom was also left in the same position as me when my daddy died, since he always looked after their financial resources and she hadn't discovered how to do it. Make sure your checking account and financial investments are in both of your names so that you both receive the statements and see what you have.

Even if there are family expenses that your spouse pays, make certain you know what they are so you would know what to do if you had to take over the duty.

When you're wed to someone you share bringing up your children, you share cooking, you share your bed, you share your life - you must share your financial resources. I believe it's part of your commitment to one another.

So share the load, have an open mind and want to learn. Even if your other half or other half is proficient at handling the cash, do not feel frightened to ask: should not this be a shared obligation?